Yeah I know everybody has their own version of their precious first love. Some ended up happy, some are maybe just a little bit crappy. Well for me, I thought it ended a long time ago with a not-so-happy tone. I really don’t think it was my first love, or I would rather deny that it was my first love. It was in high school, yeah everything happens in high school.

He was a year older than me. We started off as textmates. He disguised himself as someone who we knew that has a big crush on our classmate. I entertained him, expecting to troll everything out on him. I never really expected that he would text me most of the day, every day. Until he drop the truth, he was someone who I do not really know. Then I learned we had a common friend and that made the story more interesting. Though we haven’t really talked in person, I always knew he is such a good talker and a humorous one too. Lots of people would love to befriend him because of those qualities.

So to make the story short, he fell in love with me. I, at that moment don’t really know what was happening. I knew I had some crush on another guy in his year but I just find it fun spending time talking with him through texts. I was so young back then and was so scared that falling in love would hurt really bad. (I based those assumptions from reading shoujo mangas and watching romantic dramas/animes by the way.) He tried to court me but I never allowed him. I asked him lots of superficial favors but in the end, left him in vain. I just realized how cruel I was with him that time and I regret it.

It’s too late when I knew that his intentions were pure. He’s such a very sincere person towards relationships. I wish I trusted and believed him more. But it’s too late now.

Years had past, we both moved on and got to college. When I lost my phone, I also lost my contact with him. We rarely talk on the Internet since it was quite awkward. Things will never be the same I said.

Now when I finally thought I’ve moved on, here he comes again. Talking with me like nothing bad ever happened before. Thanks to Facebook, we could connect with each other once more. These past few weeks it seems like the good old days are all coming back. Cellphone was replaced with computer, text messaging with chat. We talked about everything under the sun. And then those old feelings suddenly try to show up. He was always so good with conversations to the point that I would spend an entire day on Facebook waiting for his simple “Hi!”

He is just like before. But I don’t know if he still loves me like the way he did back then. I just wish that the line, “First love never dies” is so true and get my hopes high. I really don’t know what my hypothalamus is thinking! I just wish I could get over with these uncertainties as soon as possible.

So if this goes on for another week, I would definitely ask him if he still feels the same love he felt for me back then. I know I won’t regret anything. If he doesn’t love me anymore, I’ll accept it whole-heartedly. I just don’t want this awkward feeling to last and bother my daily activities. I still hope that this first love crap would turn out well..